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Why Is Self-Esteem Important For Dating?
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Self-esteem is how much you value, love, appreciate, and accept yourself. We’ve all heard that it’s important to love one’s self, but why is having high self-esteem essential when entering the dating scene? Well first of all, if you don’t feel that you deserve to be in a relationship with a great guy/gal, then you’re not going to be motivated to seek out that relationship. Negative self-talk can hinder you from even making that first step to meet someone. Telling yourself things like, “I’m too fat. He’s not going to like me” or “Why would anyone want to date me?” will sabotage all of your chances of being in a healthy, successful relationship.
When you feel poorly about yourself, it’s visible to others. People are able to spot it from a mile away. You’re more likely to attract negativity and it becomes easier for others to take advantage of you. Pursuing a relationship with someone who puts you down is never healthy! It then turns from a battle with yourself to a constant battle with your partner. Your self-worth usually diminishes even more as a result of staying in an unhealthy relationship.
Most people who suffer from low self-esteem may exhibit these characteristics:
Need constant feedback from others - They look to outside sources for guidance because they don’t have confidence in making their own decision-making skills. They don’t trust their own judgment and they place other people’s opinions on a pedestal. Relying on others to make one’s self feel good is common in people with low self-esteem.
Focus on weaknesses and flaws – These individuals tend to magnify all of their weaknesses, flaws, and mistakes. They even see imperfections that others don’t see. It’s difficult for them to realize their accomplishments and potential.
Uncomfortable accepting compliments – People with low self-esteem will doubt the person who is paying the compliment. They don’t believe that it’s a sincere compliment or they think they’re undeserving of any praise.
Engage in negative self-talk – They beat themselves up over and over again. If something undesirable happens, they usually take that opportunity to reinforce self-criticism by saying things like “I’m so stupid!” or “I’ll never be able to do it.”
If you recognize these characteristics within yourself, then this is the first step to improving your self-esteem. Feeling good about who you are doesn’t happen instantaneously. It takes some work, but you’ll be a much happier person once you develop your confidence.
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Tips for Building Self-Esteem
1. Stop comparing yourself with other people. There will always be some people who have more than you and some who have less. If you play the comparison game, you’ll run into too many “opponents” you can’t defeat.
2. Stop putting yourself down. Talk to yourself positively. Stop listening to your “cruel inner critic.” When you notice that you are doubting or judging yourself, replace such thoughts with self- accepting, positive thoughts.
3. Accept all compliments with a “thank you.” When you reject a compliment, the message you give yourself is that you are undeserving of praise.
4. On the back of a business card or small index card, write out a statement such as “I love myself” or “I am a valuable, lovable person and deserve the best in life.” Carry the card with you and read it often.
5. Associate with positive, supportive people. When you are surrounded by negative people who constantly put you down, your self-esteem will continue to suffer.
6. Make a list of your positive qualities. Are you honest? Unselfish? Helpful? Creative? Be generous with yourself and write down at least 20 positive qualities.
7. Start giving more. Begin to give more of yourself to those around you. Open up to others.
8. Solve problems. Don’t avoid problems. Face them and identify ways to resolve or manage them. If you run away from problems, you’ll never acquire these necessary skills that will help you deal with similar problems in the future and you will take on a helpless mentality.
9. Take chances. New experiences are learning experiences which can build self- confidence. Expect to make mistakes as part of the process and don’t be disappointed if you don’t do it perfectly. Feel good about trying something new, making progress and increasing your competence.
10. Develop your skills. Know what you can and can’t do. Acquire the skills you need; learn and practice those.
11. Emphasize your strengths. Focus on what you can do rather than what you cannot. Accept current limitations and live comfortably within them.
12. Rely on your own opinion of yourself. Entertain feedback from others, but don’t rely on their opinions. Depend on your own values in making decisions and deciding how you feel about yourself and what is right for you to do.