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Tickle Me Cheater
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Well I know what you may be thinking: “Gee, this guy talks about his romantic failures a lot.” It’s true that I have had not much luck when it comes to my love life, however I live by the mantra “If you can’t do, teach” and hopefully by providing readers with free dating advice, I can save you from making the same mistakes I had unfortunately made in the past.
Despite the fact that I have used online personals to find casual dates, I am more of a serial monogamist. My last serious relationship had lasted for two years and I had met her a couple of years ago in a seedy bar where good hygiene went to die called The Beer Station in Toronto. I had gone with my friends to the bar to watch the UFC match and I couldn’t help but notice the slightly hipster girl sitting by herself at a high top pouting and downing her pint of beer with gusto. The fact that she was able to still look attractive while doing that instantly made her intriguing.
Her Kensington market hipster boyfriend waltzed in and went in for a kiss. She had turned her head and his lips met her cheek. To me, that wasn’t a good sign of a loving relationship. However, every time he had touched her, she would smile and let a laugh like Neve Campbell. (To a Canadian guy like me, that shrill noise was like music to my ears.)
Eventually my friends, the couple and I shared drinks together after our love for George St. Pierre had become a common bond. I couldn’t help but look at the beautiful hipster girl and see how unhappy she looked. Although, every time her boyfriend touched her, she would smile and laugh like his touch was all she needed to be happy again.
At the end of the night, the girl (her name was Jasmine by the way) had given her number to my buddy’s girlfriend. After we had said our good-byes, I had hoped that number exchange was my golden ticket to seeing her again.
The next week, I had gotten my wish. It was my buddy’s birthday party at the now condemned Green Room in Toronto and Jasmine decided to drop by…alone. I had asked her where her boyfriend was and she told me that the night after we had met, she broke up with him. Forget the Neve Campbell-like guffaws, this was music to my ears.
Of course, I wasn’t a douche. I didn’t swoop right in to be her knight in shining armor. Instead I did the unthinkable: I became her good friend. After months of incessant flirting, she had finally revealed she had feelings for me and immediately after that, we had become an exclusive couple.
Like every new relationship, things were great at first. We hardly left our beds and the only time we had gotten out of bed was to stuff our faces with much-need food after the lovemaking that had completely depleted us. I was so happy and so was she. At the time, I had thought I had finally found “the one.”
Unfortunately after the risky one year and a half mark, things took a turn for the worst. The things that had once made each other fall in love with one another was quickly starting to annoy us more day by day. We hardly had sex anymore and when I had tried, she would squirm, laugh and squeal about how every one of my intimate touches was making her ticklish.
At first, I didn’t think much of it. In fact, I had found it to actually be cute, since these moments were the only times I had seen her smile in months. But as the weeks went by, she became more ticklish and I was starting to get concerned. The kisses and touches that had once sent shivers down her spine were now making her laugh uncontrollably.
I had realized that I had seen this behavior before a long time ago at The Beer Station. Jasmine’s playful reactions to her last boyfriend weren’t loving but rather they were reflexive responses to her repulsion towards him and I couldn’t help but wonder if history was repeating itself with me.
It wasn’t too long after I had come to that harrowing conclusion that she finally admitted that she was having an affair with one of her ex-boyfriends. (Why oh why does it always have to be an ex-boyfriend I get dumped for?)
I had fallen in love with a chronically disatisfied woman who used her Katie Holmes- like half smile and Neve Campbell-like laughter as a defensive mechanism and although I had learned from this experience, I still have ruled out tickling as playful foreplay in my present romantic encounters.
What I’m trying to say is always pay attention to your partner’s body language. If something strikes you as odd, question it. Don’t ignore it. Forget pictures, every gesture actually can say a thousand words.